So I've lived in north west Montana for about a year and one week exactly, and I've done quite a bit of hiking and stuff throughout that time. Last night it was about 8:30 in the evening, and I was walking along this short trail (couple hundred yards) to this gorge where a river is funneled into a real narrow spot and there are huge rock cliffs on each side. It was late enough that it was starting to get kind of dark and the forest is pretty dense right there. As I'm walking down this trail, to my left something big comes crashing through the woods towards me. I started clapping my hands and shouting and it stopped. I listened for a second and heard an exhale sound like "PHFFFF" and then a few more large foot steps. I jumped up and down and waved my arms and shouted some more, and it ran away in the other direction. That was the end of my hike and I headed back to my jeep pretty quickly.
That spot is a good place to see moose, so it may have been a moose that charged me. But I think it was probably a bear, I couldn't see because the woods were thick and the sun was going down. I'm guessing that since it was so easy to get it to run off, it was probably just a lone bear and not a momma with a baby or two. If it was a momma chances are she would have mauled me and left me in a bloody pulp. So what I think happened is that I was being too quiet on the trail and it didn't realize I was there until I was really close. That was probably about the most excitement I've had in a while, it was a huge adrenaline rush knowing that I was just charged by a big animal and lived to tell about it.
I feel like I should clear up a few things here.
First of all, you have to understand what I go through on a daily basis. My wife, she thinks she owns the whole damn forest. I try to explain to her that there are actually OTHER SPECIES that live where we do, and that they probably want NOTHING to do with our kids, but no -- she goes and gets all uppity every time anything larger than a damn squirrel comes near the kids.
And the kids. Don't even get me started on them. They want to eat CONSTANTLY. The little brats act like they're entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want, even when I'm trying to catch a few months of sleep. And does their mother ever bother to take some initiative in feeding them? No. It's always "Phil, go catch some salmon for the kids!" Do you have any idea how hard those bastards are to catch? No, you wouldn't, because you humans are all like "Ohh, look at me, I've got opposable thumbs and tools!" Well I don't, and I WORK for my meals. Try removing a splinter from your paw with -- WHAT'S THAT? -- ANOTHER PAW. Not happening.
So there I am, out for an evening jog down by the river, when all of a sudden I see this scruffy-looking male human just chillin out in front of me. I know an argument with the wife is waiting for me when I get back, so I really wasn't looking for a confrontation at this point. Anyways, I stop to catch my breath (and yes, I have sinus problems, so I'd appreciate you keeping you comments on my huffing and puffing you yourself), and this dude just goes nuts, jumping and shouting and flailing around and whatnot. I've seen this behavior in humans before. Probably just another insensitive, Jeep-driving jerk. We have a lot of fun messing with them by pretending to attack until they curl into a fetal position, as if we actually cared about beating the crap out of them. Seriously, we have better things to do.
Long story shot, it just wasn't worth it to pick a fight. I turned around and went back to my lousy cave.
So I hope there's no ill will between us. Honestly, the air horn isn't necessary, and in fact, if you want to leave a tray of fresh sushi (spicy salmon and tuna, preferably), I could probably hook you up with some pretty decent quality venison.
April 12th, 2010, 7:23 am
