Cybersex Conversation - HILARIOUS!

  • UNFLUX
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I borrowed this from another forum, but it's just too damn funny so I
wanted to pass it on. OMG i was laffing so hard....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This conversation is real. It took place over AOL Instant Messenger. Only
the names have been changed to protect starcrftmaniac and PunkgirlAngl, I mean, the innocent.

Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an [censored]
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don't ****ing laugh at me!
Boy: This **** is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ****ing break
Boy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are ****ing sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A ****ING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
Boy: I'll be ****ed if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my [censored] won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bull****ting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a ****ing [censored].
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
Boy: You're right. I'm not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I'll eat your [censored]
Girl: You'll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I'd eat your [censored].
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your [censored]?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
Boy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Boy: ok?
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against
them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet [censored].
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your [censored] get more moist with every
stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: ...still limp
Boy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
Boy: I turn you around to lick your [censored].
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ***.
Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your [censored].
Girl: WTF?!?!?
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ***
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ***.
Girl: YOURE A ****ING PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a ****ing candy apple...
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: **** YOU [censored]!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: ...going limp again.
Boy: Hello?
Boy: Say it!
Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

  • lostinbeta
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Post 3+ Months Ago

HARRRR!!!!!!!!
  • UNFLUX
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Post 3+ Months Ago

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

HARRRRRRRR!!!!!! :twisted:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

This a post from another forum I go to, its damn funny!
--------------

So I was having cybersex the other day.
It was pretty good I guess. Here it is:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 c*ck of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of *plum*.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

Yeah it was pretty sweet.




This one was good.

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.




This kinda sucked.

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh *plum*
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh *plum*
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something



Ew this chick was nasty. Yeeeeaah.

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an *plum*?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this *plum* is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.
  • ModernDestroyer
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Post 3+ Months Ago

:lol: I just can't stop laughing at those musik, that is some funny stuff, HARRRRRRR. :lol: Here goes the wizard hat :lol: was that guy serious or was he just goofing around? HAAARRRRRRR, thanks guys I needed a good laugh.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

i know i have it saved in a text file, its so funny, i love the rhino one and the vegies one - oh i still laugh at it now.

the guy who posted it was just goofing round on chat - he has a wicked sense of humor haha

PS i tried to edit the norty words, sorry if i missed any lol
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I'll put it to you this way, I won't look at rhino's or vegetables the same way. I just thought of something, it probably won't be as funny if the guy in UNFLUX's post had the girl say. GOOBBLEE GOOBBLEEE GOOBBLEE, (turkeys) :lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Well I'm glad somebody thinks I'm funny, because only one person posted on my catchy bumper stickers thread. :cry: anyways I was hoping more people would find the humor in it. GOOBBLEEE :lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I never saw your bumper sticker thread, i must have been tying my shoe laces or something :D
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:cry: that's ok, won't want you to trip on one of your shoe laces :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

lol - well neither would i - i hate falling over in public!!

what are you doing right now, where are you?

im at work in melb australia finishing off some packaging designs, its 4pm friday afternoon, one more hour then home time!!!

oh im so bored!! :roll:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Right now I'm standing in the garage, which part of it I turned into my office/ workspace. Only in my office would you see a brand new server sitting next to brake calipers from a 70 chevy malibu classic. :lol: :D I'm in Mojave, California and it is 11pm thursday. Melbourne Australia, isn't that in the southern part of Australia?

Well I'm here for your entertainment :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

ahh well having such peices of a classic nearby the server would mean your a geek but a geek with taste :wink:

yes, melbourne is down south :wink:
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If I remember right it is on the coast, the pictures I've seen from there are beautiful.

Geek huh, well I don't think I look like a geek. Not that being a geek is a bad thing. I work for a wireless ISP out here in California. But when I'm not working for them I work on restoring a 1952 GMC. I'm melding the front suspension from the 70 chevy malibu classic on to the 52 frame. So it will give me independent front suspension, disc brakes, and already have the mounts for the engine, and the power steering. And when I'm not working on that I'm out riding my Harley :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

i want to marry you and have your babies.


stop speaking like that, i am work. :wink:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

your to kind :wink:
sorry it took me a few minutes to realize that your response was on the second page :lol: So tell me some stuff about you :D
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Well where to begin... My life's goal is to own a piece of the Moon. I listen to rap music wearing a huge mexican hat and often dance around my house in nothing but a tutu and gorilla slippers. I have an iq of 163 but dyed my hair blonde to counteract all that intelligence. I can't eat off plates that have pictures of horses on them. Sometimes I like to chew gum, run through the house with scissors, eat whip cream straight from the spray nozzles and compose piano symphonies in my head all at the same time. I am agnostic, but I follow the ten commandments anyways and I do pray and often use chat rooms as confessionals. I like the way a q-tip feels in my ear. I have a very long tongue. My eyes get me in a lot of trouble. I am weird, but I am happy and a dang decent person. Someday I will be as famous as Sandra Bullock. Maybe. :wink:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

:lol: well q-tips? Anyways were was I?
so you listen to DMX? or puffy daddy and the family?
I can't compete with you on the IQ sorry, I'm down in the 126 range :oops:
what is your email address, I'll send you some pics of the truck and the bike, if you want. :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

its rose_rocks@outride.com without the _rocks bit at the end :wink:

I am pretty eclectic in my music tastes - i listen to everything except commercial radio! http://www.rrr.org.au - worth the listen right now if youve got a good connection. there is a top host on for the next few hours, he plays *plum* hot music - all kinds of genres.
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I have to update my real player, it should only take a minute or two to download the 8 mb file. While I'm waiting I send you some pics, is there a limit to the size of the attachments?
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Post 3+ Months Ago

will pm you another email addy for larger pics. i am about to head off to go to the moovies to see Finding Nemo :wink: (what can i say im a big kid at heart) :wink:

if your into guitar/drum rock like the good stuff they produced in the 70's, they are playing a live gig from The Black Keys who played here the other week, thats in an hour and half, maybe its not your noise but I love it :wink:

will no doubt get the images back home late tonight, will hit you back with an email.

till then have a great nite, kissy kissy woo woo and all that good stuff

Rose :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Enjoy the movie, I sent the pics to your rose address. If they get bounced for being to big I'll email to your other address. Have a good night :D
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Heyyy, was a *great* movie, no matter how old you are :wink:
Got the pics, they were fantastic! It must be exciting to see it progressing! Then will come the day you will be in the drivers seat cruising around town, envy of a lot of people huh :D

Your Harley is sweet as, I love the colour although I am more an aqua fan myself :wink: Riding on motorbikes is great fun, there is a real sense of freedom that you dont get to experience when your in a car, although it can be very dangerous, I took a nasty fall off a friends Harley about 6 month ago now.

Same friend just got back from the states, he rode from San Fransisco to Milwaukee for the 100 year anniversary get together, I was actually meant to go with him but opted out due to a lack of cash to fund the trip. He hasnt stopped raving about it since he got back, was tellin me today about the big concert, and how all these cool bands played, then Elton John came on to play and everyone was like :shock: ... Elton John..... HARLEY CONCERT???? Hehee - Thanks for sharing the pics, hope you had a great sleep, cya :wink:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Elton John.. :shock:, Well I'm glad you enjoyed the pics. I take few a every other week or so. It helps keep a visual record of all the stuff I have done to it. I washed the bike today. Other than that not to much else is new. :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Its Grand Final day today here and most of Australia is glued to the TV watching the football game :D


PS: I got a new dog today, her name is Gemma :wink:
Image

She's a lil cutey :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

She kinda looks pissed your taking her picture :D
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hah

no i have another picture of her looking pissed at me for taking her pic :wink:
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Well she is a cute little thing :D
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hell yeah, just like her owner :wink:

my head isnt with it today!
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