I am going to be a dad

  • Bogey
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Benat wrote:
...although I do recomend you take your Mothers advice when she gives it about the new baby! :)


I'm sure she had experience :D :lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

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Post 3+ Months Ago

digitalMedia wrote:
btw: You can win a lot of photo comps with your kids too! :P


I'll say! :roll:

Regarding the pregnancy, if you don't mind me expressing my opinion a little. I seriously hope you realise what's to be expected from this, i mean if you leave your girlfriend or vice versa and the baby is still young just think about how this is going to affect the child later on.

To be 16 years old and make that sort of decision is pretty young and in it's own right immature. I'm 22 and can't see myself starting a family yet as there is still plenty time, just think about all the things you will miss out on to sacrifice the birth of your child. I reckon you just need to live a bit before you can go out and have children.

That doesn't mean i don't wish you the best though. I hope everything does work out brilliantly and you are all together for many years to come.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Thanks guys. Well yeah i am young to have a baby. But on the bright side when my baby is 16 i will only be 32.
  • righteous_trespasser
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Is that really such a good thing?
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Well yeah becuase i myself will not really be that old will i ?
  • JasonStanley
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Post 3+ Months Ago

You may think it is a great idea now. By the time you get to your mid twenty's and everyone is going out and enjoying themselves, you have to stay in doors... I promise you it won't be very fun.

I'm 21 and I would love a kid, however I want to get married and actually enjoy being in my prime before I get weighed down with a massive amount of responsibility.

I should probably point out as well that young relationships are fickle things.

I would definitely recommend that you put yourself through university before you knock someone up. Why would you want to bring a kid into the world when you only have a paltry laborers salary? Far better to be on 25k+ a year and actually have some comforts in life.

Furthermore the general process of having a kid is the following.

Get girlfriend - Duh
Marry Girlfriend - Relationship security
Purchase/Rent house/flat - First major responsibility, proves you can pay bills regularly, proves you can survive by yourself. Actually gives you a place to bring up the kid.

Get Pregnant..

Have you spoken to your parents and her parents? If you haven't then you seriously are not really to have a kid.
  • Benat
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Quote:
By the time you get to your mid twenty's and everyone is going out and enjoying themselves, you have to stay in doors... I promise you it won't be very fun.


Firstly not everyone wants to go out, party and get drunk all the time!

Quote:
I would definitely recommend that you put yourself through university before you knock someone up.


Why can't he do that also? You don't know him or his family, you know nothing about him, making assumptions that he isn't going to go to university is really silly.


Quote:
Why would you want to bring a kid into the world when you only have a paltry laborers salary?


See above comment.

Stop making assumptions about people you do not know. Its as simple as that. No one has any right to judge what he has decided to do, its his life, full stop.
  • JasonStanley
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Benat wrote:
Firstly not everyone wants to go out, party and get drunk all the time!


Why do you assume its to get drunk? The point is if you want to get away, go for a romantic meal out, go to to the cinema etc etc. All this is more difficult with a child in tow.

Quote:
Why can't he do that also? You don't know him or his family, you know nothing about him, making assumptions that he isn't going to go to university is really silly.


What is really really silly is you thinking he can do it just like that. You have a a kid, this means you cannot go to university and live on the campus. This limit's your choice to what you can commute to.

So if you do get into to university what will happen to the kid? One parent will have to stay home otherwise you have to get a baby sitter. That costs money, money which you will need a part time job to cover. A part-time job you will not have time to do because you have a kid to look after. Without one parent in full time employment it is incredibly difficult to go to university when you have a child.

Of course you could rely on your parents to take care of the kid. However have they retired? If so you will probably be living at home because you cannot generate enough income to get a place of your own. If you are putting this much of a burden on your parents you have to raise the question as to whether you are ready.

For university, you need time and money. A kid takes up a lot of time and an incredible amount of money.

Quote:
See above comment.

Stop making assumptions about people you do not know. Its as simple as that. No one has any right to judge what he has decided to do, its his life, full stop.


You stop thinking the world is candy coated, i gave my opinion. If he still wants a kid after what I have had to say then good luck to the boy. The point is that he is young himself and has plenty of options. A kid at that age does limit your options.

I know a girl who became pregnant at 17. This was more down to bad luck as opposed to planning. Still, she has done OK. Fortunately she has a stay at home mum that looks after the kid while she goes to university. However she doesn't live with her boyfriend. She hasn't got money or the time to go out where and when she wants to.

She loves her kid obviously and wouldn't change it but there is a niggling thought in her mind that perhaps her life would of different if it had come a long 5 years later.

I just think its important to not give a sugar coated impression of the world when there would definitely be difficult times ahead.. if he is in a good position the good on him and good luck. If he's not then at least he won't go into it blind.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Actually although i am 16 and am still at collage i am still earning £350.00 a week And i know thats not a lot but for 16 its quite a lot.

Secondly i will still go to university but i would like a job as a firefighter and that only requires math and english G.C.S.E grades or an equivelent.

Also i would rather spend a night in with my girlfriend then go out, Yeah we will still go out, as we have two familes that are there to support us both. So we will be fine.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
Actually although i am 16 and am still at collage i am still earning £350.00 a week And i know thats not a lot but for 16 its quite a lot.

Secondly i will still go to university but i would like a job as a firefighter and that only requires math and english G.C.S.E grades or an equivelent.

Also i would rather spend a night in with my girlfriend then go out, Yeah we will still go out, as we have two familes that are there to support us both. So we will be fine.


...speaking of sugar coated impressions of the world.

I hope you're good with things in the future. I really do. I can't even imagine how big a burden having children is but can only imagine.

I wonder whether or not having read this topic you've been trying to ignore some of the advice provided and still wish to give this a "Happy ending"?

I don't think anyone here is trying to tell you what to do as it looks like you've made your decision already, but if you have any doubts at all then maybe this is the time to sort of confront them with your girlfriend.

As i say, best of luck with this in whatever you and your girfriend decide to do.
  • Bogey
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I have only one question... Penguin... where do you live?
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Post 3+ Months Ago

England bogey ...
penguin wrote:
£350.00
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Post 3+ Months Ago

righteous_trespasser wrote:
England bogey ...
penguin wrote:
£350.00


Sorry, I'm not good with monetary histories and such
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Welcome to the club penguin :) and congrats. we were quite awed by your age to be a father and doubly amazed on how mature your thinking is. Nevertheless, rearing a child is not a walk in a park experience dude, "you are needed most during your child's teen and adolescent years
", to quote a member of this forum who said that before.

Just in case you need tips on how to deal babies effectively, most ozzu members are much willing to give you hints :) good luck
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Wow, congratulations to both Penguin and Jameson on expected offspring! :)

Babies are always a good thing I guess.....

And the world is a mystery, anything can happen... Different cultures have different approaches to how young is 'too young'...... and if there are two large families to give all the support, it can work out ok................

But heavens goodness gracious me, at sixteen I'd have been terrified of having a child.......... and now at 28, when I think how much I've changed since those years......... it's a whole lifetime.......... having children at an early age certainly entirely transforms the course of your life. that's not necessarily a bad thing of course.

either way - best of luck! no going back now... :)
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Actually i guess its true that i am trying to give this a happy ending, But all comments that have been made have been noted. And i see the good and bad points of having a baby at my age.
  • Janrocks
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Well all the best to you..

I was 23 when my only daughter was born.. I had a good marriage with a good man (or so I thought), a house to live in, and he was earning enough for me to stay at home. I was stupid enough to believe all the late nights working, and the weekend training events and conferences. Employers expect teenagers to have no ties and no commitments

18 months later I'm living in a cold drafty rented house in a poor area as a single parent trying to work, pay rent and pay for babysitters. In the end I gave up trying and accepted that for a while folding my business (there wasn't much left of it by then) and joining the dole queue as a single parent was realistically the only way to survive.
Sometimes you will have to make stark choices.. family or career. My parents were a lot older than me, both retired and my father was bedridden with cancer at that time so I had nobody to turn to for help.
I made it, but only just, and I still have a lot of regrets and things I wish I had been able to do instead of being tied down with a child. Now looking back on it all from 20 years on it still looks like a mistake. I wish I had put my business first and like my mother waited until I was older before starting a family. I haven't been away on holiday since I lived with my parents.. never got to go to university.. didn't get to enjoy my teenage years because I wasted my time making a home and being there for a man who wasn't, in the end, worth the effort. I learned one very important lesson.. A baby is for life.. it isn't a fashion accessory, and it doesn't make you "cool"..

Just commenting, but we had been together pretty solid from being 17.. an item since college.. People change a lot between 16 and 21. Now it may all seem great, working and earning lots of money.. but that is the now.. what about in maybe 2 years when your girlfriend has been stuck at home all day every day with a baby, and a man who is always at work.

As you aren't even legally an adult.. either of you.. the real world hasn't had chance to bite you on the ass yet.

Now that may seem a bit bleak, and I didn't want it to because I really wish you both the best of luck.. Just saying.. I don't think you have really thought this thing through properly. At the moment everything seems rosy with plenty of money.. but is there the security?
I'm the wrong side of 40 and run my own business for 12 years.. want a reality check? I can't guarantee anything further in the future than 8 weeks.. the business climate here in the North is so bad..

What am I saying. "don't count your chickens" .. my mothers favourite saying.. and wasn't she so right.

Good luck and best wishes, but most of all.. be very very sure this is exactly what you both want.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Wow thats harsh. And can i just add my girlfriend is 19 she is an adult. But how are things now with you and your child?
  • joebert
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I know I'm going to regret this, but I can't let this go unanswered. :lol:

Quote:
Don't listen to anyone


Otherwise known as being ignorant.

If you want to trick yourself into believing it's a good thing fine, but don't encourage others to do it too like it's all peachy keen.
You know damn well you were complaining about somthing kid related every time I talked to you.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

A question to the following quote that may or may not make sense to the rest of you :shock:

Quote:
Don't listen to anyone


Does that include listening to you or not? :lol:
  • Benat
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Post 3+ Months Ago

joebert wrote:
I know I'm going to regret this, but I can't let this go unanswered. :lol:

Quote:
Don't listen to anyone


Otherwise known as being ignorant.

If you want to trick yourself into believing it's a good thing fine, but don't encourage others to do it too like it's all peachy keen.
You know damn well you were complaining about somthing kid related every time I talked to you.


Oh god get over yourself.

Don't pick my comment out and then say that *plum* to me.

I didn't mean it as in don't listen to anyones advice, I meant don't listen to the negatives because I HAVE been there, and the negatives, (from family) get VERY stressful. When did I say it was peachy keen, I know its not peachy keen to be a young parent, I was simply trying to bring to attention the POSITIVES of it, because there are many.

Sorry I had an opinion that was different from that of everyone elses! I didn't think I would get singled out because of it. Sheesh.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

righteous_trespasser wrote:
England bogey ...
penguin wrote:
£350.00


Kinda Ignorant in a way. Who said it had to be England, could may well have been Wales, Scotland or even Egyptian pound.

I guess now isn't the time to be trivial though.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Okay SB, you win ... Sorry about that ...
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Post 3+ Months Ago

it doesnt matter the age of the person its always going to be a challenge no matter how old you are... and especially the first child is always going to be trial and error but that is life. You only learn by making mistakes...

As for joebert's comment, until you are a parent you shouldnt be making such comments as you have not experienced anything with regards to your own children.
  • dyfrin
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Think on two things.

Children are always yours.
When your friends want to hang out, even couples, you will have a kid, crying or needing to go to bed at 9. Bowling, Basketball, Movies, everything will require a sitter, or bringing them along.

We had our first at 18/22 after we were married, but we "lost" our friends. Sure they still talked but it wasn't the same. They could just up and go do stuff, we could not.

That will not change regardless of who you are unless you have a live-in nanny. Statistics about age/divorce aside, the 18-24 is very uncertain about where to live, career, etc. While your friends can up and go to Florida to a sweet job, you might not.

You will be "bound" by a child.


Second,
You will teach by example.
No matter what you say they learn by your actions and will imitate them.

At 3-5 you will see their personality really develople, what they do when they get mad, how they react in crowds, etc.

At that time you will be 20ish. Make sure you aren't going to act "normal" for your age.

Maturity is learned by experience. How can you compensate? Good luck.
  • musik
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Congratulations on your impending fatherhood Penquin. I hope all goes well for a safe and healthy pregnancy for your partner.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Thank you musik and so do I.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Wow 16 is really young. You will need all the luck you can get, and a six figure salary.

I had known a girl once that had a kid at 16, and she swore up and down she wanted it. I told her to get 'rid' of it but nooooo she wanted it.

One year later I met up with her again, and she was living in a feces laden, roach infested house with holes where windows should be. She totally regretted it.

But as long as you know the road ahead is tough, you can toughen yourself up to match it. Having a kid is a great sacrifice - no career, no vacation, no time to yourself. But stick with it, it will be a bumpy ride.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

yes, I am looking forward to the challenges ahead.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

My own parents had me when they were teenagers, and they've done just fine (although admittedly things were really rough in the first few years, but they managed to pull us through eventually.......)

Just my 2c.

What's done is done. May as well be happy. It's a baby after all.

Good luck, dude.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

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