Greatest Resignation Letter

  • UNFLUX
  • Genius
  • Genius
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 6376
  • Loc: twitter.com/unflux

Post 3+ Months Ago

you may have gotten this in your email, but i wanted to share anyway.
true or not, this is still REALLY funny :lol:
----------------------------------------------------------------

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers,USA, to
her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!


Dear Mr. Baker,


As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.


Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only
a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because
I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to
provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth
time. You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand
why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP
is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.


You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for
your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.


Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.


Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
have a few parting thoughts.


1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for
you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the
next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be
unable to do it on your own.


2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently
saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that
terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.


3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's
birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)


Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
desk by 8:00 amtomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.


Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what
you do with all that free time!


Wishing you a grand and glorious day Cecelia
  • Anonymous
  • Bot
  • No Avatar
  • Posts: ?
  • Loc: Ozzuland
  • Status: Online

Post 3+ Months Ago

  • SharkShark
  • Guru
  • Guru
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1013
  • Loc: Living In Today

Post 3+ Months Ago

ROFL!!! Good Lord Unflux that was good! Where in the heck did you dig that up at? LOL that has got to be the best blackmail letter I have ever seen. That dude is going to be screwed for life!
  • sly1340
  • Graduate
  • Graduate
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 238
  • Loc: not available

Post 3+ Months Ago

:shock:
  • Zombie
  • Beginner
  • Beginner
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 39

Post 3+ Months Ago

LMAO good one. :lol:
  • madmonk
  • Mastermind
  • Mastermind
  • madmonk
  • Posts: 2115
  • Loc: australia

Post 3+ Months Ago

haha. lmao.
is this for real?
  • jnacool
  • Graduate
  • Graduate
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 156
  • Loc: UK

Post 3+ Months Ago

hahah! I like that, bet that boss was regretting hiring her. Don't you just love being an employee.
  • b_heyer
  • Web Master
  • Web Master
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 4581
  • Loc: Maryland

Post 3+ Months Ago

Isn't that blackmail? :-P

Very fun all the same. *when system admins get angry*
  • ThATKiD
  • Proficient
  • Proficient
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 321
  • Loc: somewere over there

Post 3+ Months Ago

OMFG thats so awsome 1000000000 pts

"lolita" ? do i wanna know ?
  • Axe
  • Genius
  • Genius
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 5739
  • Loc: Sub-level 28

Post 3+ Months Ago

Oh, I've had a couple of bosses I could've sent that to in the past.
  • Tom the Great
  • Expert
  • Expert
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 727
  • Loc: B.C., Canada

Post 3+ Months Ago

ThATKiD' wrote:
OMFG thats so awsome 1000000000 pts

"lolita" ? do i wanna know ?


I am assuming it's child porn...
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=lolita

but that letter is pretty funny, and I could see that happening. :P
  • b_heyer
  • Web Master
  • Web Master
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 4581
  • Loc: Maryland

Post 3+ Months Ago

That's a classic definition :shock: .
  • musik
  • Legend
  • Super Moderator
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 6893
  • Loc: up a tree

Post 3+ Months Ago

:lol: ive seen that one but it never fails to crack me up. hehe
  • Freakyp
  • Graduate
  • Graduate
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 210
  • Loc: M'boro. TN, USA

Post 3+ Months Ago

wow, thats really kewl..... if I ever get a boss that I absolutly hate... i will be sure to read though that for some pointers... mwahahaha :wink:
  • Miss_Bee
  • Guru
  • Guru
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1307
  • Loc: Eagle Vale, Sydney (Campbo Chickadee)

Post 3+ Months Ago

ROFLMFAO gonna print that!!

Post Information

  • Total Posts in this topic: 14 posts
  • Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 43 guests
  • You cannot post new topics in this forum
  • You cannot reply to topics in this forum
  • You cannot edit your posts in this forum
  • You cannot delete your posts in this forum
  • You cannot post attachments in this forum
 
cron
 

© 1998-2014. Ozzu® is a registered trademark of Unmelted, LLC.