Long distance relationships?

  • CE/ Pyrocy
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Do they work?

I might be leaving the state for as long as a couple years for work/ school. She can visit at-least once a month and more in the summer (she's in school)... i just wanted to get your thoughts on the subject?
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I think it depends on a lot of things.

If you're in a long-term, committed relationship, then yes, I do believe that the whole long distance thing can work.

However, if you're in high school or college and are still somewhat in the infancy of a relationship, than I have a much harder time believing that it will work out.

I only say this because I've seen so many long distance relationships in my age range (18-21) fail within the first month or so of being apart.

My opinion: when a relationship is young, a long distance situation sort of beats the whole point of the relationship in the first place: to be with and get to know each other.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

imo they don't ... but my one friend is getting it to work for him ... I guess it all depends on the person(s) ... If you really want to make it work I'm sure you can ...
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Post 3+ Months Ago

i was with my girl for ~2 years before she went 92 miles away to college.
she came and visited every weekend for a little while, but that got quite costly so she started coming less, and the situation just got way too complicated for everything else we both had going on.
so now as of tuesday we are both single people who still care about each other, but we can't be together. pretty much it sucks.
and it sounds like your situation is more complicated than mine. i dont want to be a pessimist or say you shouldn't try, but i wouldn't give it much hope.. =\
  • joebert
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Long distance relationships only ever work for all the wrong reasons.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I think it isn't realistic. It's hard. I'm interested in relationship subject you know. I feel your pain, CE. Thing is, it's a pain for you two. Traveling and missing each other over long distance. I have no idea what do you mean by long distance, how many miles apart?. Long distance will leave more room, and opportunity for you two to cheat. You're still young I think, I'm 25 and still single. Be friends with her, you never had to ask this question, if you've been just friends all the while, and there's possibility that later you two graduated and meet up again. Stay cool,man.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I lost my high school sweetheart to a long distance relationship almost identical to AnarchY SI's situation. However, we were both young then. Ironically we met each other 20 years later. Neither of us had seen the other or talked in that 20 years, but as soon as we looked in each others eyes we both felt everything we did back in high school. It was intense. I had really wanted to marry that gal. Sadly she is now married and I am in a relationship. Guess that one just wasn't meant to be.

On the other hand I've currently been in a long distance relationship for 13 years. By long distance I mean 1200 miles apart. Conveniently she teaches so she spends all her breaks and summers with me. I am proof in a way that long distance relationships can work, but I'll tell you clearly, they are not easy and perhaps take more effort than being in the same house.

joebert wrote:
Long distance relationships only ever work for all the wrong reasons.

hmmmmmm....interesting premise. Wonder what my wrong reasons are *lol.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

There are many people saying that It wont work but I am going to have to say yes it will / could work.

It depends on a many different things. Firstly how commited you both are to being together, and how you feel about each other.

I belive that if you feel so strongly about each other then anything is possible. Although I would not expect it to be easy and things may get a little hard. Just work hard at it, try and keep regular contact as much as possible.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

It could definitely work. It all depends on the commitment of the people involved and how you are cope during the off time when you aren't seeing each other.

From personal experience they don't seem to work (at least for myself) but then again I was younger (even though I'm still relatively young), and of a different mindset.

The distance might also be a factor, I maintained a long distance relationship for a year or so with a girl who lived across the world in Germany and we actually saw each other quite often, but in the end it just didn't seem feasible. I also had a long distance relationship of only about 100 miles or so and was able to keep that one just fine. It didn't end up working out for other reasons after I came back.

In the end it really depends on the people. Everyone will tell you something different based on their own experience but it's really up to you to make it work.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Also trust comes into this, You need to have trust in your partner, I remember my girlfriend moving to "Lincoln" In the Uk its only a few hours away but I got paranoid about what she could be doing :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
Also trust comes into this, You need to have trust in your partner, I remember my girlfriend moving to "Lincoln" In the Uk its only a few hours away but I got paranoid about what she could be doing :P

the paranoia is a killer.
especially if you have a reason to not trust her 100%
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Yes exactly, And I think in that situation it is normal for anyone to have those kind of feelings or thoughts.

I think once you overcome that, And you keep regular contact. Things should be fine :)
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Post 3+ Months Ago

ATNO/TW wrote:
On the other hand I've currently been in a long distance relationship for 13 years. By long distance I mean 1200 miles apart. Conveniently she teaches so she spends all her breaks and summers with me. I am proof in a way that long distance relationships can work, but I'll tell you clearly, they are not easy and perhaps take more effort than being in the same house.

/impressed
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Post 3+ Months Ago

wow thats the longest long distance relationship I have heared of :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
Also trust comes into this, You need to have trust in your partner, I remember my girlfriend moving to "Lincoln" In the Uk its only a few hours away but I got paranoid about what she could be doing :P


I won't say it as paranoia, I'll call it as your own intuition. We really need it alot than what you need to see in your own eyes. It can be suspicious and it's alright to feel so as long as you don't confront her with a pistol.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

yeah I kind of just kept the thoughts I had to myself, Even though I was 99.9% sure she would never do anything with another person. I still had that little doubt in my head.
  • CE/ Pyrocy
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Post 3+ Months Ago

thanks guys... the distance would be around 500 miles... but I'll be working 6 days a week so I won't be able to visit much. I think I'm gonna give it a shot though... see how it goes.

[ :shock: Atno] [/U are God]
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Post 3+ Months Ago

actually I am god :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

CE/ Pyrocy wrote:
thanks guys... the distance would be around 500 miles... but I'll be working 6 days a week so I won't be able to visit much. I think I'm gonna give it a shot though... see how it goes.

good luck man.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

All long distance relationships (minus one) that I know have failed. ussually pretty quickly.
My dad and my step mom however, have had a long distance relationship for quite a while (they do make sure that they see each other at least every weekend though) and they do seem very much in love. Its also obvious that A LOT of money and effort are being put forth though

Speaking from personal experience, Me and my ex-girlfriend tried to stay together when we went to different colleges. We visited each other and talked all the time. We ended up breaking up before the end of the school year... then got back together when we saw each other over the summer (actually dumped another girl I liked very much for her)... stayed together for a little over a year and a half... then broke up again.
I'm am not sure if I regret the decision to try (twice) or not. If I didn't I would've just wondered if we would've worked, and, at the time, I believed she could've been the one for me.
Then again I feel like I wasted a lot of time/money/energy/thought/ and pain...and I now avoid/cut communication with her, someone who used to be my lover/best friend, out of fear that we'll just get back together and break up again (twice is enough for me).

What I do know though is long distance relationships are hard... you don't get to really enjoy the relationship most of the time... and if you don't make it through however long it takes for the distance to go away its almost like a waste of time ( unless you really value phone conversations :P )

P.S. Get yourself and her webcam :)
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Post 3+ Months Ago

It's hard when you're young. When you get older you value relationships more.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

ATNO/TW wrote:
It's hard when you're young. When you get older you value relationships more.


I have to arguee that point. Just becuase people are young it does not mean you cant value a relationship the same as someone who is old.

I just dont think age matters in any relationship. There is noting different with a young couple who are in love. And a old couple who are in love.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
I just dont think age matters in any relationship. There is noting different with a young couple who are in love. And a old couple who are in love.

I disagree wholeheartedly with that, for more reasons that I can possibly list in this thread.

Please don't take any offense to this, because I don't intend it that way, but people usually have a much different view of the world at your age, simply because you have so much to learn and experience yet. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just how it is. The way you think and feel about things right now will change substantially by the time you're in your twenties. People will change, your environment will change, and events will occur that significantly alter your perception of the world around you, no matter how sure of things you are.

[comic relief]
Also, I'm a psych minor, so everything I say is correct.
[/comic relief]
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I have to disagree with you also. How can you possibly know that young people cant be in a serious relationship and or feel the same way as adults.

You cant!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

ATNO/TW wrote:
hmmmmmm....interesting premise. Wonder what my wrong reasons are *lol.


Are both of you absolutely sure you're together because you enjoy eachothers company, or because you're determined to beat the odds and make it work ?
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Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
I have to disagree with you also. How can you possibly know that young people cant be in a serious relationship and or feel the same way as adults.

You cant!

I never said that, so you're right, I can't. I simply said that age does matter in a relationship.

But I have been your age, and I can remember a lot of how I thought and felt about things back then. There are significant differences in what young people and older people look for in a relationship, what they expect, what they value, their level of commitment, their ability to plan for the future, how they deal with problems, how much time they feel they have to spend together, and the list goes on.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

No.

Becuase I know my commitment, values, How i deal with problems, ability to plan future and what I expect.

Whats to say thats different from an adult?
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Joe was right in the other thread. I'm not going to be able to explain this to you, it's just something you'll learn over time.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

so it goes back to this again, I am not thick i do understand what you are saying.

I just dont think it goes the same for everyone.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I would just like to inject something into this conversation.

Quote:
How can you possibly know that young people cant be in a serious relationship and or feel the same way as adults.


Well, he might not know how you value a relationship or feel about one, but he was once your age, so he has had the experiance. He's also probably had the experiance of a relationship at an age older than you. At least he's got experiance on his side, you don't penguin. I wont say that your relationships aren't of a great value, because I believe they can be just as valued as an adults. However, your argument doesn't make a lot of sense.
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penguin wrote:
so it goes back to this again, I am not thick i do understand what you are saying.

I just dont think it goes the same for everyone.


I don't think anyone was trying to say you were thick, theres a point they were trying to make about how your age affects you as a person (mainly your amount of experience), which you could not understand because you are still young. Whether they're right or not doesn't change the fact that you could not possibly know the difference between being young and old... Doesn't mean that they know how you are young and how you will be old...But at the least they know how they were young, and how they are now.
I consider myself young, and old people have used the argument that I could not possibly understand untill im older. I personally don't feel like theres much out there that I couldn't understand if I made an effor to... Then again theres absolutely no way to tell because we're not older yet.

My main reason for believing that it could be true is that when I hear younger (then me) people talking about relationship things, I often can remember being able to relate the feelings to when I was younger, and see how much different I am now.

Quote:
Are both of you absolutely sure you're together because you enjoy eachothers company, or because you're determined to beat the odds and make it work ?


I personally never tried staying together in a long distance relationship to beat the odds, and I know that my Father and step Mom also aren't together for those reasons...
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Spoof how does my arguement not make sense * sighs and gives up the point in trying argue the point, clearly I am not getting anywhere*
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Ok. After reading this page and last..twice in a roll, ATNO makes sense, and Penguin makes sense too.

When I imagine myself now in a relationship, comparing when I was younger, I'm definitely more matured now and...

On the other hand, I knew a friend, we seldom meet now, he's in his early 30s'..

This guy still enjoy sleeping around ( nothing wrong I know ), making a lots of trouble during the time we went out together.. I was the youngest in that group, and all of them were older than me, They didn't seem to make alot of sense to me. The whole story is cut short, trust me, they were garbage, really.

I also had friends from childhood who matured very well ( I wouldn't say fast ),
and got married built up a family when he was about 19.

I think it really depends on that 'particular' person's experience other than age that will determine how he thinks today..
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Thank you, You are the only one who realises age does not matter :P
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I'm not siding anywhere... just a point I think I ought to say

//your avatar is freaking me ( joke )
:)
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I know your not siding with anyone, And it freaks me out too :P
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Quote:
How can you possibly know that young people cant be in a serious relationship and or feel the same way as adults.

How can you possibly know what an elders person relationship is like? You have never had the experience so you don't have much room to argue. I'm not saying it can't be, I'm just saying that statement doesn't make any sense. You just told someone that has been your age that they don't know what it is like, think about that.

Its like telling someone that has been in a war that they don't know what is like, and you do because you have been to basic training.
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Just becuase an adult has been my age does not mean they know how all young relationships work.

Attempting to smart ass your way with me really does not work. Not all young relationships are the same.

* calls for penguin army for backup * :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I totally agree, then again not all adult relationships are the same, so stop trying to say that you know all about them.

Experience is an amazing thing, I'll leave it at that.
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I never said I did, So you can stop saying you know all about young relationships!

there not all the same
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Post 3+ Months Ago

CE/ Pyrocy wrote:
Do they work?

I might be leaving the state for as long as a couple years for work/ school. She can visit at-least once a month and more in the summer (she's in school)... i just wanted to get your thoughts on the subject?



Love conquers all! If it's real love then it'll be patient and wait :D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I went to Tokyo for a year in my final year of university, leaving boyfriend of five years behind (now husband). Worked out alright, I was a good girl and he says he was a good boy, and in truth it was kind of refreshing to be away from him for a bit - after five years some aspects of the relationship had gotten quite tangled.....

now reasonably happily married. so yeah it can work. depends on the time scales, on the people.... lots of things.

another thing - some of my colleagues have been working away from home for five, seven, ten years now..... those sorts of long-distance relationships seem to me more like keeping the pretense of a relationship alive so you don't have to bother with the whole divorce - pay lawyers - split the house - tell the kids thing. I mean i sure as hell wouldn't let someone I love live away from me for ten years. what's the frikkin point??? but these are long-distance relationships in older people........... when much of the time maybe they're a better alternative to tripping over each other in the same house once the romance is gone................
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10 years!! Wow Thats silly, Thats like buying a car and not using it for 10 years. Its pointless.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

yeah well you may feel differently when you're fifty....
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Long distance relationships work out differently for everyone depending on the people and circumstances.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

digitalMedia wrote:
Long distance relationships work out differently for everyone depending on the people and circumstances.


I think this should be the best answer for this thread. :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I agree 100%

Also musiks post to this was great :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

at least you are in the same country and that's good..
some rel. they lived in different countries..
it is easier to live a rel. that way rather than you're going to another country
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Long distances relationships will work only with people that met each other physically.I do not believe a long distance relation between two persons who never met in real world would work .
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Anything is possible.

I'm changing my thoughts you can see from my prev. post.

I have no judgement for this topic and am willing to believe anything can happen.

Yes it can, and it can not.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

according to me Distance doesnt matter if the luv 4 each other is infinite

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