Long distance relationships?

  • CE/ Pyrocy
  • Proficient
  • Proficient
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 374
  • Loc: Santa Barbara, CA

Post 3+ Months Ago

Do they work?

I might be leaving the state for as long as a couple years for work/ school. She can visit at-least once a month and more in the summer (she's in school)... i just wanted to get your thoughts on the subject?
  • Anonymous
  • Bot
  • No Avatar
  • Posts: ?
  • Loc: Ozzuland
  • Status: Online

Post 3+ Months Ago

  • spork
  • Brewmaster
  • Silver Member
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 6229
  • Loc: Seattle, WA

Post 3+ Months Ago

I think it depends on a lot of things.

If you're in a long-term, committed relationship, then yes, I do believe that the whole long distance thing can work.

However, if you're in high school or college and are still somewhat in the infancy of a relationship, than I have a much harder time believing that it will work out.

I only say this because I've seen so many long distance relationships in my age range (18-21) fail within the first month or so of being apart.

My opinion: when a relationship is young, a long distance situation sort of beats the whole point of the relationship in the first place: to be with and get to know each other.
  • righteous_trespasser
  • Scuffle
  • Genius
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 6230
  • Loc: South-Africa

Post 3+ Months Ago

imo they don't ... but my one friend is getting it to work for him ... I guess it all depends on the person(s) ... If you really want to make it work I'm sure you can ...
  • AnarchY SI
  • Web Master
  • Web Master
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 2521
  • Loc: /usr/src/MI

Post 3+ Months Ago

i was with my girl for ~2 years before she went 92 miles away to college.
she came and visited every weekend for a little while, but that got quite costly so she started coming less, and the situation just got way too complicated for everything else we both had going on.
so now as of tuesday we are both single people who still care about each other, but we can't be together. pretty much it sucks.
and it sounds like your situation is more complicated than mine. i dont want to be a pessimist or say you shouldn't try, but i wouldn't give it much hope.. =\
  • joebert
  • Sledgehammer
  • Genius
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 13496
  • Loc: Florida

Post 3+ Months Ago

Long distance relationships only ever work for all the wrong reasons.
  • George L.
  • Bronze Member
  • Bronze Member
  • George L.
  • Posts: 2209
  • Loc: Malaysia

Post 3+ Months Ago

I think it isn't realistic. It's hard. I'm interested in relationship subject you know. I feel your pain, CE. Thing is, it's a pain for you two. Traveling and missing each other over long distance. I have no idea what do you mean by long distance, how many miles apart?. Long distance will leave more room, and opportunity for you two to cheat. You're still young I think, I'm 25 and still single. Be friends with her, you never had to ask this question, if you've been just friends all the while, and there's possibility that later you two graduated and meet up again. Stay cool,man.
  • ATNO/TW
  • Super Moderator
  • Super Moderator
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 23455
  • Loc: Woodbridge VA

Post 3+ Months Ago

I lost my high school sweetheart to a long distance relationship almost identical to AnarchY SI's situation. However, we were both young then. Ironically we met each other 20 years later. Neither of us had seen the other or talked in that 20 years, but as soon as we looked in each others eyes we both felt everything we did back in high school. It was intense. I had really wanted to marry that gal. Sadly she is now married and I am in a relationship. Guess that one just wasn't meant to be.

On the other hand I've currently been in a long distance relationship for 13 years. By long distance I mean 1200 miles apart. Conveniently she teaches so she spends all her breaks and summers with me. I am proof in a way that long distance relationships can work, but I'll tell you clearly, they are not easy and perhaps take more effort than being in the same house.

joebert wrote:
Long distance relationships only ever work for all the wrong reasons.

hmmmmmm....interesting premise. Wonder what my wrong reasons are *lol.
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

There are many people saying that It wont work but I am going to have to say yes it will / could work.

It depends on a many different things. Firstly how commited you both are to being together, and how you feel about each other.

I belive that if you feel so strongly about each other then anything is possible. Although I would not expect it to be easy and things may get a little hard. Just work hard at it, try and keep regular contact as much as possible.
  • Merlyn
  • Guru
  • Guru
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1143
  • Loc: Oregon

Post 3+ Months Ago

It could definitely work. It all depends on the commitment of the people involved and how you are cope during the off time when you aren't seeing each other.

From personal experience they don't seem to work (at least for myself) but then again I was younger (even though I'm still relatively young), and of a different mindset.

The distance might also be a factor, I maintained a long distance relationship for a year or so with a girl who lived across the world in Germany and we actually saw each other quite often, but in the end it just didn't seem feasible. I also had a long distance relationship of only about 100 miles or so and was able to keep that one just fine. It didn't end up working out for other reasons after I came back.

In the end it really depends on the people. Everyone will tell you something different based on their own experience but it's really up to you to make it work.
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

Also trust comes into this, You need to have trust in your partner, I remember my girlfriend moving to "Lincoln" In the Uk its only a few hours away but I got paranoid about what she could be doing :P
  • AnarchY SI
  • Web Master
  • Web Master
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 2521
  • Loc: /usr/src/MI

Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
Also trust comes into this, You need to have trust in your partner, I remember my girlfriend moving to "Lincoln" In the Uk its only a few hours away but I got paranoid about what she could be doing :P

the paranoia is a killer.
especially if you have a reason to not trust her 100%
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

Yes exactly, And I think in that situation it is normal for anyone to have those kind of feelings or thoughts.

I think once you overcome that, And you keep regular contact. Things should be fine :)
  • AnarchY SI
  • Web Master
  • Web Master
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 2521
  • Loc: /usr/src/MI

Post 3+ Months Ago

ATNO/TW wrote:
On the other hand I've currently been in a long distance relationship for 13 years. By long distance I mean 1200 miles apart. Conveniently she teaches so she spends all her breaks and summers with me. I am proof in a way that long distance relationships can work, but I'll tell you clearly, they are not easy and perhaps take more effort than being in the same house.

/impressed
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

wow thats the longest long distance relationship I have heared of :P
  • George L.
  • Bronze Member
  • Bronze Member
  • George L.
  • Posts: 2209
  • Loc: Malaysia

Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
Also trust comes into this, You need to have trust in your partner, I remember my girlfriend moving to "Lincoln" In the Uk its only a few hours away but I got paranoid about what she could be doing :P


I won't say it as paranoia, I'll call it as your own intuition. We really need it alot than what you need to see in your own eyes. It can be suspicious and it's alright to feel so as long as you don't confront her with a pistol.
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

yeah I kind of just kept the thoughts I had to myself, Even though I was 99.9% sure she would never do anything with another person. I still had that little doubt in my head.
  • CE/ Pyrocy
  • Proficient
  • Proficient
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 374
  • Loc: Santa Barbara, CA

Post 3+ Months Ago

thanks guys... the distance would be around 500 miles... but I'll be working 6 days a week so I won't be able to visit much. I think I'm gonna give it a shot though... see how it goes.

[ :shock: Atno] [/U are God]
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

actually I am god :P
  • AnarchY SI
  • Web Master
  • Web Master
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 2521
  • Loc: /usr/src/MI

Post 3+ Months Ago

CE/ Pyrocy wrote:
thanks guys... the distance would be around 500 miles... but I'll be working 6 days a week so I won't be able to visit much. I think I'm gonna give it a shot though... see how it goes.

good luck man.
  • Sumen
  • Proficient
  • Proficient
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 421
  • Loc: Rochester or Albany, NY

Post 3+ Months Ago

All long distance relationships (minus one) that I know have failed. ussually pretty quickly.
My dad and my step mom however, have had a long distance relationship for quite a while (they do make sure that they see each other at least every weekend though) and they do seem very much in love. Its also obvious that A LOT of money and effort are being put forth though

Speaking from personal experience, Me and my ex-girlfriend tried to stay together when we went to different colleges. We visited each other and talked all the time. We ended up breaking up before the end of the school year... then got back together when we saw each other over the summer (actually dumped another girl I liked very much for her)... stayed together for a little over a year and a half... then broke up again.
I'm am not sure if I regret the decision to try (twice) or not. If I didn't I would've just wondered if we would've worked, and, at the time, I believed she could've been the one for me.
Then again I feel like I wasted a lot of time/money/energy/thought/ and pain...and I now avoid/cut communication with her, someone who used to be my lover/best friend, out of fear that we'll just get back together and break up again (twice is enough for me).

What I do know though is long distance relationships are hard... you don't get to really enjoy the relationship most of the time... and if you don't make it through however long it takes for the distance to go away its almost like a waste of time ( unless you really value phone conversations :P )

P.S. Get yourself and her webcam :)
  • ATNO/TW
  • Super Moderator
  • Super Moderator
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 23455
  • Loc: Woodbridge VA

Post 3+ Months Ago

It's hard when you're young. When you get older you value relationships more.
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

ATNO/TW wrote:
It's hard when you're young. When you get older you value relationships more.


I have to arguee that point. Just becuase people are young it does not mean you cant value a relationship the same as someone who is old.

I just dont think age matters in any relationship. There is noting different with a young couple who are in love. And a old couple who are in love.
  • spork
  • Brewmaster
  • Silver Member
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 6229
  • Loc: Seattle, WA

Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
I just dont think age matters in any relationship. There is noting different with a young couple who are in love. And a old couple who are in love.

I disagree wholeheartedly with that, for more reasons that I can possibly list in this thread.

Please don't take any offense to this, because I don't intend it that way, but people usually have a much different view of the world at your age, simply because you have so much to learn and experience yet. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, it's just how it is. The way you think and feel about things right now will change substantially by the time you're in your twenties. People will change, your environment will change, and events will occur that significantly alter your perception of the world around you, no matter how sure of things you are.

[comic relief]
Also, I'm a psych minor, so everything I say is correct.
[/comic relief]
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

I have to disagree with you also. How can you possibly know that young people cant be in a serious relationship and or feel the same way as adults.

You cant!
  • joebert
  • Sledgehammer
  • Genius
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 13496
  • Loc: Florida

Post 3+ Months Ago

ATNO/TW wrote:
hmmmmmm....interesting premise. Wonder what my wrong reasons are *lol.


Are both of you absolutely sure you're together because you enjoy eachothers company, or because you're determined to beat the odds and make it work ?
  • spork
  • Brewmaster
  • Silver Member
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 6229
  • Loc: Seattle, WA

Post 3+ Months Ago

penguin wrote:
I have to disagree with you also. How can you possibly know that young people cant be in a serious relationship and or feel the same way as adults.

You cant!

I never said that, so you're right, I can't. I simply said that age does matter in a relationship.

But I have been your age, and I can remember a lot of how I thought and felt about things back then. There are significant differences in what young people and older people look for in a relationship, what they expect, what they value, their level of commitment, their ability to plan for the future, how they deal with problems, how much time they feel they have to spend together, and the list goes on.
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

No.

Becuase I know my commitment, values, How i deal with problems, ability to plan future and what I expect.

Whats to say thats different from an adult?
  • spork
  • Brewmaster
  • Silver Member
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 6229
  • Loc: Seattle, WA

Post 3+ Months Ago

Joe was right in the other thread. I'm not going to be able to explain this to you, it's just something you'll learn over time.
  • penguin
  • Flying penguins
  • Banned
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 1647
  • Loc: Behind you !

Post 3+ Months Ago

so it goes back to this again, I am not thick i do understand what you are saying.

I just dont think it goes the same for everyone.
  • SpooF
  • ٩๏̯͡๏۶
  • Bronze Member
  • User avatar
  • Posts: 3422
  • Loc: Richland, WA

Post 3+ Months Ago

I would just like to inject something into this conversation.

Quote:
How can you possibly know that young people cant be in a serious relationship and or feel the same way as adults.


Well, he might not know how you value a relationship or feel about one, but he was once your age, so he has had the experiance. He's also probably had the experiance of a relationship at an age older than you. At least he's got experiance on his side, you don't penguin. I wont say that your relationships aren't of a great value, because I believe they can be just as valued as an adults. However, your argument doesn't make a lot of sense.
  • Anonymous
  • Bot
  • No Avatar
  • Posts: ?
  • Loc: Ozzuland
  • Status: Online

Post 3+ Months Ago

Post Information

  • Total Posts in this topic: 51 posts
  • Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 50 guests
  • You cannot post new topics in this forum
  • You cannot reply to topics in this forum
  • You cannot edit your posts in this forum
  • You cannot delete your posts in this forum
  • You cannot post attachments in this forum
 
cron
 

© 1998-2014. Ozzu® is a registered trademark of Unmelted, LLC.