Monkeys - haha

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Post 3+ Months Ago

This is a quote I found from some site. Thought it was funny so i posted it here:

Monkeys: I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a
piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I
decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was
Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They
kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my
genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt
very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off
of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at
first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour. Two hours
later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No
apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy
a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know
what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed,
in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw
rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys. I tried
pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while,
that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had
to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call
the plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by
freezing them. Unfortunately there was only enough room for two monkeys at a
time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the
food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad. I tried burning them. Little
did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had
one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer,
and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't
improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to
use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better. I tried
throwing them away, but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to
dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't
take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I
finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them,
but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the
genitals. I like monkeys.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

  • Borrow -A- Geek
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Post 3+ Months Ago

alrighty then... i cant believe i wasted my brain cells reading the entire thing! haha whats worse is that someone actually use even more brain cells writing it.. or maybe they didnt...
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Hahaha, you know you like monkeys man
  • assneck
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Post 3+ Months Ago

i like to spank the monkey :lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.
3) Don't cut your hair. Ever!
4) Birthdays, Valentines Day, and anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present. Again!
5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6) Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7) Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8) Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat. (Yeah you, Cat Lady!).
9) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10) Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11) Shopping is not sport.
12) Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13) You have enough clothes.
14) You have too many shoes.
15) Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16) Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
17) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18) No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19) Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
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21) "Yes" and "No" are perfectly good answers.
22) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23) Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
24) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25) Check your oil.
26) Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27) Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28) It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
29) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
30) If you don't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
33) Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
34) Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
35) Telling us that models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
36) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going together.
  • Smokenjoe
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Post 3+ Months Ago

lol, I love those. very nice.....
Oh, and I like monkeys!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • suzie
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Post 3+ Months Ago

!!!!OMG!!!!! that was sooooo dam funny bwm
:D :D :D
and i agree with Borrow -A- Geek, but you read so far and well...ya hooked and have to read it all....the more i read... the more i howled...till i :cry:ed hahahhahahahah nice one bwm, you don't post often but when you do, you post!!!
suzie.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

What The....
  • suzie
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Post 3+ Months Ago

miss_bee hi,
Quote:
What The....
lololol speak !!!..or maybe your speechless
:lol:
suzie.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

ummmmmmm Speechless Me thinks!!!
  • suzie
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Post 3+ Months Ago

speechless ya ya ya, i could'nt speak much neither after that bwm's monkey post !!!
hes a card alright !!
:D
suzie.
8)
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Post 3+ Months Ago

LOL he's the *plum* alright...gotta love him hehehehe
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I think he has a few admirers.........
:shock:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

LMAO hey Bigwebmaster.....come to Australia so we can go on a date :P;)
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Yowza! GO BIGWEB!
:lol: :lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

;)
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Post 3+ Months Ago

LOL Alright BigWEbbie!!! Do your thing Dawg!!!

LOL I love monkeys!! wanna see a pissed off monkey??

http://www.funnyjunk.com/p/0048-jpg.html
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Post 3+ Months Ago

lol thing???

ROFLMFAO at the pissed monkey!!!
  • SharkShark
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Nah i was just playin around....:D
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Post 3+ Months Ago

lmao know the feeling!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

nice monkey pic.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

OMG HAHAHAHAHA!!! Monkeys.... i like them too... that was funny i really freaking laughed people at work thought that i was crazy cause i started butsting out from no where!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

:lol: too strange, I love it haha
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Wow.......... I never knew monkeys could be so well loved.....
:shock:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

I don't mind monkeys... as long as they are riding flying bicycles. If not, I don't want to see them
  • Smokenjoe
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Flying bicycles?..........Dare I ask?
:lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Smokenjoe wrote:
Flying bicycles?..........Dare I ask?
:lol:


well duh, how else are they going to patrol the coast for schools of evil minnows after I've taken over the world :x

I've said to much, now I have to kill you :wink:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

ROFL, im not even gonna touch that one!!! :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Yeah, its to good to touch.
NICE! :lol:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

whats wrong with touch :P
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