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  • Socno
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Hey ! I am feeling for sharing some of mye toughts and sorrows.

I have some problems, I belive I am worring to much.
I have had this girlfriend for 6 months, and it works fine, but each time she is going to a party(without me, cause I cant find the time to tag along) I am worring sick. I can not seem to find it for sure that she won`t do anything foolish while drinking. I know what alcohol can do. I am so afraid of loosing her over some dumb party, but I know I never could forgive her if she would be unfaithfull to me.
I know she loves me, and she keeps repeating she never would cheat on me.

I know you all have felt jealous sometime.
Do you got any advice about how I can become less jealous.
Stuff that can help me..

Thanks!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

  • Miss_Bee
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Post 3+ Months Ago

How old r u? Just curious cos I've been in your situation!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Miss_Bee wrote:
How old r u? Just curious cos I've been in your situation!


I am 17. Same goes for my girlfriend.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

LOL same age as when I felt as insecure as you!

I used to chase my guy down all the time if he went somewhere without me, 100s of calls every minute, unstoppable questions ra ra ra.

If you don't feel you can trust her then its more then likely that she's hiding something from you. Definetely a big NO NO in a relationship.
Talk to her about how you feel, hear how she feels.
Make time to be together, but don't smother her.
Test yourself for a few weeks. When shes out, turn your phone off and DO NOT turn it back on. Occupy yourself with something that will keep you super busy so you have no time to wonder what she's up to. If she loves you enough, alcohol or no alcohol she will be faithful to you.

If you still feel the same after a month then you aren't meant to be together. My ex and I split up and in the end he chased me for months, by the that time I was in another beautiful relationship where my guy was totally devoted to me and refused to go anywhere without me. If I had plans or work, he stayed in and we had a beautiful child together.
Although that relationship came to sad end, I know deep in my heart I feel at ease with my past relationship now and look back at myself to be a silly immature child for being so obsessive (no offense).
I'm 23 now and look forward to my next relationship, but relationships are about TRUST, give and take and time out from each other.

Give her some space and who knows where you will be in a year. You can't choose your destiny, its already chosen for you!!

Relationships and love hurt but you don't go looking for love cos love will find you, its just a matter of time!!

Good luck!!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

dude,

all you can do is trust her....if you cant trust her, you dont need to be with her....

the most important thing i have ever learned is to talk to her about what you feel...otherwise it will eat you alive and you will wind up getting dating advice from a webforum..... ;)

17.....damn......where does the time go....i can almost remember that age.... :(
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Hahahahaha now I feel like a love doctor!!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

then i may be getting a cold.....
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Post 3+ Months Ago

LOL why??
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Miss_Bee wrote:
LOL same age as when I felt as insecure as you!

I used to chase my guy down all the time if he went somewhere without me, 100s of calls every minute, unstoppable questions ra ra ra.

If you don't feel you can trust her then its more then likely that she's hiding something from you. Definetely a big NO NO in a relationship.
Talk to her about how you feel, hear how she feels.
Make time to be together, but don't smother her.
Test yourself for a few weeks. When shes out, turn your phone off and DO NOT turn it back on. Occupy yourself with something that will keep you super busy so you have no time to wonder what she's up to. If she loves you enough, alcohol or no alcohol she will be faithful to you.

If you still feel the same after a month then you aren't meant to be together. My ex and I split up and in the end he chased me for months, by the that time I was in another beautiful relationship where my guy was totally devoted to me and refused to go anywhere without me. If I had plans or work, he stayed in and we had a beautiful child together.
Although that relationship came to sad end, I know deep in my heart I feel at ease with my past relationship now and look back at myself to be a silly immature child for being so obsessive (no offense).
I'm 23 now and look forward to my next relationship, but relationships are about TRUST, give and take and time out from each other.

Give her some space and who knows where you will be in a year. You can't choose your destiny, its already chosen for you!!

Relationships and love hurt but you don't go looking for love cos love will find you, its just a matter of time!!

Good luck!!



Thanks ! Well, we got a open relationship and we do talk about this issue all the time. I am not stocking her like you did, nor calling her all the time. I agree that relationships is about trust, ill try my best to trust her from now on.
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Socno wrote:
I am so afraid of loosing her over some dumb party, but I know I never could forgive her if she would be unfaithfull to me.
I know she loves me,


You should never let fear be the driving force in your life. You say you know she loves you, and you obviously love her. Everything is good at the moment. Tomorrow you could get run down by a car, you could get some horrible disease. You cannot always worry about things that might maybe possibly go wrong - there are just too many things!

If I were to worry everyday about being hit by a car, it does not make that car less likely to come, and if (and I hope it does not) one day it does, I will be no better off if I have spent all the time previously being scared.

All that can come of your fear is to push her away. If she thinks you are accusing her (and believe me fear can be misinterpreted this way), this will only be detrimental to your relationship.

I know that this does not help you stop worrying, but it might explain why not worrying is so important

I say, <a href="http://members.fortunecity.com/ceugev/lyrics/i102.htm" target="_blank">take the wheel and steer</a>
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Post 3+ Months Ago

head stash wrote:
dude,

all you can do is trust her....if you cant trust her, you dont need to be with her....

the most important thing i have ever learned is to talk to her about what you feel...otherwise it will eat you alive and you will wind up getting dating advice from a webforum..... ;)

17.....damn......where does the time go....i can almost remember that age.... :(


Agree.. Thanks.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Right on rtm!!

And Socno do you know what the actual classification for an OPEN relationship is?? Cos I don't think you really do!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

not to mention man you are 17.....

you got your whole life there man.....the less you worry about what she is doing, chances are the more she will be into you....wierd but true


you know how you always want the things you can have but dont really give a crap about what you do have..... it works for girls too my friend..... too much stressing and you can kiss her goodbye...go with her to the party...thats the easiest answer
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Post 3+ Months Ago

rtm223 wrote:
Socno wrote:
I am so afraid of loosing her over some dumb party, but I know I never could forgive her if she would be unfaithfull to me.
I know she loves me,


You should never let fear be the driving force in your life. You say you know she loves you, and you obviously love her. Everything is good at the moment. Tomorrow you could get run down by a car, you could get some horrible disease. You cannot always worry about things that might maybe possibly go wrong - there are just too many things!

If I were to worry everyday about being hit by a car, it does not make that car less likely to come, and if (and I hope it does not) one day it does, I will be no better off if I have spent all the time previously being scared.

All that can come of your fear is to push her away. If she thinks you are accusing her (and believe me fear can be misinterpreted this way), this will only be detrimental to your relationship.

I know that this does not help you stop worrying, but it might explain why not worrying is so important

I say, <a href="http://members.fortunecity.com/ceugev/lyrics/i102.htm" target="_blank">take the wheel and steer</a>


Never tought of it that way.. Smart way of thinking.
YEs, I really love this girl, I am willing to do everything for her, and I am not ready for loosing her.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Miss_Bee wrote:
Right on rtm!!

And Socno do you know what the actual classification for an OPEN relationship is?? Cos I don't think you really do!


Hehe, I know.. You can see other people..

I ment we got a relationship where we can talk about everything and nothing ;)
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Post 3+ Months Ago

head stash wrote:
not to mention man you are 17.....

you got your whole life there man.....the less you worry about what she is doing, chances are the more she will be into you....wierd but true


you know how you always want the things you can have but dont really give a crap about what you do have..... it works for girls too my friend..... too much stressing and you can kiss her goodbye...go with her to the party...thats the easiest answer


hehe, well. She asked me, but frankly I got other plans with some mates.
I can not bail out of those plans.
Yes, I am 17, but I am a 17 year old boy in love, and I can still be as much heartbroken as a grown up can be.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Then if you both agreed to an open relationship, seeing other people, means sleeping with other people too. So therefore she can't technically Cheat on you cos you both agreed on it, so you need to let her to do what she does at these parties and not question her later.
Maybe if you feel you want her to stop you need to talk to her about changing into an exclusive relationship. YOU and HER ONLY not anyone else!

I can't handle being in open relationships because I get way to jealous of other girls being with my man and the way I see it is if he likes/loves me enough, he shouldn't need or want anyone else but me!!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Miss bee it was a semantic error I believe
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Another thing....I'd rather be with my guy then my mates more. My rule is this:

If I have plans with my friends they stay as is..
If I have plans with my guy they stay as is...
You don't change plans with your girl to hang with mates and vise versa. But if your in a relationship and your're trying to build a strong base, then you need to think about being with your partner more then your mates because its your partner who you'll marry and have kids with later on, not your mates!

Then again your only 17 but just think about these things ok, its only advice from us OLDIES who have been there
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Post 3+ Months Ago

LOL maybe, I might leave this convo now before I start becoming WAYYYYYYYYY too pedantic!!

Good luck matey!
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Miss_Bee wrote:
Then if you both agreed to an open relationship, seeing other people, means sleeping with other people too. So therefore she can't technically Cheat on you cos you both agreed on it, so you need to let her to do what she does at these parties and not question her later.
Maybe if you feel you want her to stop you need to talk to her about changing into an exclusive relationship. YOU and HER ONLY not anyone else!

I can't handle being in open relationships because I get way to jealous of other girls being with my man and the way I see it is if he likes/loves me enough, he shouldn't need or want anyone else but me!!


You have gotten my all wrong. We do not have a open realtionship..
NO way I would agree of something like that, nor would she.
This relationship is as private as it can be. She is only allowed to kiss me, flirt with me, love me. And same goes for me :P ! Call me selfish.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Not selfish, smart thinker!!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Miss_Bee wrote:
Another thing....I'd rather be with my guy then my mates more. My rule is this:

If I have plans with my friends they stay as is..
If I have plans with my guy they stay as is...
You don't change plans with your girl to hang with mates and vise versa. But if your in a relationship and your're trying to build a strong base, then you need to think about being with your partner more then your mates because its your partner who you'll marry and have kids with later on, not your mates!

Then again your only 17 but just think about these things ok, its only advice from us OLDIES who have been there


I am.. First of all, I am being with my mates like 1 time each week. The rest of my sparetime I am spending with my girlfriend. I have been with there 5 days in a row now and today is the only day I have not spent with her this week. I have also made plans with her tomorrow.
So I would say I am prioritizing my girlfriend before anything else in my life
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Thats great to hear but I wasn't implying anything just saying what I do n giving my advice cos thats what you wanted wasn't it???
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Miss_Bee wrote:
Thats great to hear but I wasn't implying anything just saying what I do n giving my advice cos thats what you wanted wasn't it???


I did not think you were implying, but I felt you were trying to indicate that I might was a guy who spent more time with my mates then my girlfriend.

And again, thanks for the advice. Offcourse I want you advice.
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Nah nah wasn't that at all sorry if I made you think that....MY BAD :shock:
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Puppy Love.

Your 17 ?, you should be thinking about turning 21 and strip joints, not long term relationships :P
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Post 3+ Months Ago

LOL Joebert!!!
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Honestly, if u cant trust her for any reasons I would just take my concerns up with her.
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Post 3+ Months Ago

Not to be an ass or anything... but someone's got to play devil's advocate, and well... look at my photo (that really is me, by the way... heh, funny what enough photoshop tweaking can do...)

Anyway.

Why can't you find the time to go with her? If you're that worried, you should go with her, not to protect her from herself (well, maybe a little), but to just be there. Maybe she'd go out less if you were willing to spend more time with her. It could be she's going out so much because she's bored and needs something more. I'm sorry to be cruel about it, but sometimes it's not always the other person's fault, at least not entirely. The fact is, if you're worried, you need to talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel. If she cares about you, like you apparently care about her, she'll be happy to talk through this.

Just remember, the thing about love is you're gonna have to stretch at least as much as you demand the other person stretch, or its only a matter of time before your relationship will fall apart.


By the way, before anyone starts... here was my age 17 schedule pretty much every week. I fully understand what it means to be busy. I too had girlfriends thrown into the mix, and no relationship lasted less than 3 months, amazingly enough (in fact, I've never in my life had a relationship last for less than that...)


School: way too early - 4:05 PM
Lacrosse practice: 4:30 - 6 PM. (spring time only)
Work: 7:00 - 10:00 PM - (spring)
Work: 5:00 - 10:00 PM (off season)
Homework: 1 or 2 hours, or until I fell asleep, usually about an hour.

But then, I had the weekends off. I usually studied at the library or in the park on sundays for a few hours (depending on the weather), and usually worked out for at least a couple hours saturdays, and Lacrosse games were always on Saturdays too... and on the offseason, I usually worked a shift in the early afternoon, but otherwise, Saturday night was party night, and since I busted my ass all week and always got good grades, my parents were very lienient about it... the only rule was "don't do anything stupid" which I've always respected and lived by, and hope my children will be smart enough to do the same...

.c
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